My Mirror, My Sword, My Shield

Blogspot can fuck right the hell off

2010-11-27T00:52:00.004+13:00

I am tired of the lack of design control I have on this bloody website. This blog will be kept for reference.

All new posts can be found here: http://mirrorswordshield.wordpress.com/

Maybe I just read too much

2010-11-26T14:27:00.005+13:00

I am beginning to think I have read a few too many books on human decision making and emotion (particularly fear and empathy and randomness). Understanding how other people are likely to react to things largely prevents me from reacting the same way, because I can only see it as silly.

The reason I mention this is because of the Pike River Disaster. And it is a disaster. 29 people were trapped, and are now almost certainly dead. It is a tragedy - which sadly makes it the media's wet dream. But they are an ancillary problem, and not what I am talking about here.

Do not for one second get me wrong. When I first heard about Pike River, my throat caught, and my heart went out to the men and their families. Despite allegations to the contrary, I do feel human emotion. I was sad for a while. What sobered me up was the fact that I wouldn't STOP hearing about this event for at least a month, probably more.

It is the nature of empathy. When a tragedy occurs, we attach a lot of weight to it. It is the way we are hard wired. I haven't studied this in depth, so I won't get technical with it - most everyone knows this from experience.

Allow me to provide a bit of perspective.
-According to the NZTA, in the past twelve months 381 people have died in car accidents. That 32 per month, or roughly 1 per day. (http://www.nzta.govt.nz/resources/road-deaths/toll.html)

-On a single day, Oct 31 2010, there were 47 recorded civilian deaths in Iraq that were caused by violence. The average is 11.6 per day. This does not include unrecorded casualties, which are presumed to be significantly higher. (http://www.iraqbodycount.org/database/)

-According to the Ministry of Health, smoking kills approximately 5000 people per year in New Zealand. That is around 14 per day.

And the list goes on and on - people dying due to tragic, and often preventable causes. It is all sad. Why do we not care?

Because those are statistics. Those people are just as real as the Pike River miners, but we do not see them. We do not see pictures of them. We feel no connection to them. Nobody cares about statistics.

I care about statistics. Those facts, and the rest, rend me just as much as Pike River does.

Heck, Pike River is a statistic. In 2009, 2631 chinese miners died in coal mines. That is a Pike River-size event every week. (http://frankwarner.typepad.com/free_frank_warner/2006/01/us_coal_mining_.html)

Pike River is a very sad event. 29 men were embarked in a dangerous profession to provide a vital material to our economy, and died as a result. But excuse me if I do not observe minutes of silence, or light candles, or join Pike River groups on facebook.

Call me a heartless bastard, if you like. You won't be the first, and you probably won't be the last. I disagree. I just think I see the bigger picture. Pike River is a very small piece in a very large, very sad, puzzle.

The Nature of Ego

2010-06-01T01:14:00.004+12:00

I've been called a number of things over the last while. Tactless. Blunt. Mean. Even hypocritical. None of those I can really dispute. But there is one - egotistical. I have been getting this one a lot recently, partially because at first, I accepted and embraced the label. But now, the more I think about it the less I find myself agreeing.

Let us look for a moment at the definition of ego:

ego
1. The self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves.
2. In psychoanalysis, the division of the psyche that is conscious, most immediately controls thought and behavior, and is most in touch with external reality.
3.
a. An exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit.
b. Appropriate pride in oneself; self-esteem.

Ignoring the first two, we come to the two definitions most commonly used outside of psychology - conceit, and self esteem.

When people use the word egotistical, they rarely mean it under 3b. It is a 3a term - a conceit, an improper feeling of self worth. I do not think I fall into that category (which may in itself seem conceited, but I'll get to my reasons in a minute). I think my self worth is quite justified. And here's why.

I am a Good Person. I wake up in the morning, lurch out of bed and make it to the bathroom mirror, and I see myself. Now, I am not much taken with my appearance, but I see myself, and I straighten a little. My self-worth establishes itself, and I am good to go for the day.

But WHY. Where does this feeling come from, this feeling that I am a good person?

It comes from what I do, and the way I treat people. As a human, I do more good than harm. Cause more smiles than tears. I am at my core a utilitarian, and the knowledge that I have a positive net impact on the world around me is pleasing.

But even deeper, WHY. Where does this self-assurance, this knowledge of positive gain come from? From my friendships.

When I have a friend in trouble, I don't stop to think. If there is something in my power that I can do to help, I do it. It doesn't matter if that involves driving all the way across the city at midnight in the rain simply because an unreliable parent didn't bring home any food. It doesn't matter if it involves a long term loan (really, more of a gift crouched in terms of a loan to avoid guilt) that I can't really afford to stop a friend getting evicted, or starving to death. It doesn't matter what cost to me, as long as one of mine's crisis is averted.

I have been known to cause harm. I hold no compunction about speaking my mind, and some of my opinions, particularly of certain individuals, is really rather harmful. But I sleep easy knowing that for every instance I have done more than ruffled some feathers, there has been a time where I have gone that extra mile for someone who matters to me. And that definition, people who matter, is not exclusive, nor small. I consider a very large group of CNZers friends, even people whom I don't really know very well, but any of them I would go that extra mile for.

So before you call me an egotist, consider. Is my sense of self-worth really so unjustified? Because I think I have earned, and continue to earn, my right to smugness.

(And I think you will find, if you think about it, that you have earned a measure of smugness too.)

Open Letter to Reiko

2010-04-26T23:23:00.006+12:00

Dear Reiko Arashi,

Firstly, fuck you.

Secondly, FUCK YOU.

Now, to business.

I'll repeat what i said in the rants forum

..............................................................."I'm a social retard short and fat, university students mock me out - here is my fat arm it can't reach, otaku manga japanese music it's too high." .... bye cnz, it was fun.

You guys won.
Popular kids FTW.

I'm the weeabo social retard.

YES CREATURE. LIVEJOURNAL FTW GO AHEAD AND SAY IT.

And i dont care, dont bother banning me i'm waiting on the email to get rid of my account - DACC's still going to exist, NZAC afterparty will still go on, but man you guys don't give a rats ass if i leave anyways, so why am i bothering?

Oshare Curry will always take people from CNZ if they're interested but you're welcome to remove everything to do with me cause obviously nobody gives a rats ass here about me. Do i care? Well i did, i respect every one of you i dont care how much you guys hate me...

I just care too much about how stressed i am - and i'm done, i'm done...... ORZ FECKIN ORZ DUDE. WTF, yea no i dont get you guys.

/b/ tards would even give you guys props.

Okay, firstly. LOL. I find it so funny that one of your most coherent and self-aware posts to date is the post in which you formally leave us forever.

..............................................................."I'm a social retard short and fat, university students mock me out - here is my fat arm it can't reach, otaku manga japanese music it's too high." .... bye cnz, it was fun.

At least you know. I had seriously wondered if you had any idea just how pathetic you are.

You guys won.
Popular kids FTW.

I'm the weeabo social retard.

You think we are the popular kids? Now that is amusing. That being said, I suppose the term is relative, and you are pretty far down that food chain.

This wasn't a contest. We didn't win anything. You continually posted wrongheaded and nonsensical text walls, and we consistently told you exactly what we thought. It wasn't you versus us, it was you versus yourself, your own contradictions. You are the weaboo social retard, and you did yourself in.

YES CREATURE. LIVEJOURNAL FTW GO AHEAD AND SAY IT.

http://visualculturenz.setbb.com/

And i dont care, dont bother banning me i'm waiting on the email to get rid of my account - DACC's still going to exist, NZAC afterparty will still go on, but man you guys don't give a rats ass if i leave anyways, so why am i bothering?

A very good question at the end there, I am wondering that myself. You don't care about CNZ - we are just a bunch of elitists, and you hate us all. So, if you are going to fuck off, the least you could do was do it quietly. But I guess you couldn't even do that right.

Oshare Curry will always take people from CNZ if they're interested but you're welcome to remove everything to do with me cause obviously nobody gives a rats ass here about me. Do i care? Well i did, i respect every one of you i dont care how much you guys hate me...

Now THIS is a load of bollocks. You respect every one of us huh? Well, what about Lucy? An elitist twat, is she? NO. You are the elitist, you fuckwit, you and your DACC. You pompous upstart, attempting to shove aside an destroy an existing anime club just so yours can be the only gig in town. No. Lucy is a better person than you by whole ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE, and you have no right to talk shit about her.

This was what earned you my ire, your spot at the top of my shitlist. Before I heard about that, I simply laughed at you, but largely ignored you. Don't you think for one moment you didn't bring all this shit crashing down upon yourself, because you did. There are few ways to piss me off faster than talking shit about people I care about.

I just care too much about how stressed i am - and i'm done, i'm done...... ORZ FECKIN ORZ DUDE. WTF, yea no i dont get you guys.

/b/ tards would even give you guys props.

You don't get us? Well, the feeling is quite mutual, let me assure you. Jesus Christ, do you have any idea how incoherent you are?

And believe you me, this ain't half the beating you would have got on /a/, let alone /b/.

You know what? Good fucking riddance. I sincerely hope you stay gone, because I do not want to have to try to decipher one of your posts EVER. AGAIN.

Yours Sincerely,

Creature124

This Post Was Brought To You By The Letter F

2010-04-18T19:30:00.003+12:00

Faugh!

This face, no mere facade of fortitude, expresses a freedom from fate. This feeling, while not faux pas, is fake, for fate's hand is unfettered and well fanged, so should be feared. But fear is so often flighty, for fate is sometimes fabulous, leaving fear forgotten.

Fate is not fair, it just flows, forceful but frivolous. So flow along, fear the frigid follies, but forever enjoying the fact that you are alive.

I wish I had had a dictionary when I was writing this :\

Can you imagine?

2010-04-16T22:32:00.004+12:00

Can you imagine a time spent-

utterly alone?

Nobody there but you

Nobody to laugh with you

Nobody to tell you it is okay?

How would you pass it?

Would you sit down and weep?

Would you wander, eyes glazed over, aimless?

Would you wrap yourself in your memories?

Would you look forward to what will be

A time not alone, close but out of reach

Would you hold on to that future?

...or would you scribble a sub-standard piece of poetry on some till roll?

Hiatus

2010-02-03T08:12:00.006+13:00

Until further notice, I am tossing this blog behind a couch and forgetting about it. I primarily created this as a place to vent, but I simply don't seem to get as angry as I used to, and all my new troubles either aren't a matter of the public domain or simply not worth the time it would take to blog them.

Hence, this blog is on hiatus. At the very least until the next time someone makes me want to murder them.

No Rest For the Wicked {{Brain Dump}}

2009-11-07T12:56:00.003+13:00

Oh, there ain't no rest for the wicked
Money don't grow on trees
I got bills to pay
I got a mouth to feed
There ain't nothing in this world for free.

Something for something
Nothing for nothing
Equivalent exchange.

But how much should be sacrificed
on a hope, a chance?
Is it all right to risk everything for such an uncertain future?

And yet, nothing is gained from nothing
Risk is a part of being alive.

Are we human, or are we denser?
More able to face our demons.

Everyone needs a reason to be better than they are, to improve
I have found mine - at least, one that works for now
To improve myself, for the sake of someone else, as well as myself.

It is time to roll the dice.
To flip the chessboard.
To yell "JENGA!"
To press play.

And yet, this is the time for none of those things
This is a time to wait, and see.

And who'll hear the echoes of stories never told?
Let them ring out loud, 'til they unfold.

No chance
yet no choice.

There is no coincidence in this world.
Only hitsuzen.

So, all we can do is live
Live, and fight
Fight, for our right to get as we deserve.

We are all mirrors that reflect eachother's Karma
I see mine when I look in your eyes - Do you see yours?

My life is finally starting to go right
Stepping up, and settling into a less 'meh' rhythmn
Karmic payoff, perhaps
God knows I have earned it, even if I did not set out to.

And yet I can't slow down
I can't hold back
Though you know I wish I could.

'cause there ain't no rest for the wicked
'til we close our eyes for good.

AuckGeddon 09

2009-10-28T00:12:00.002+13:00

So. Last weekend was when Auckland Armageddon. If you don't know that already, then who are you and how did you find my little corner of internet? 8D

The entire weekend was a blast. I was cosplaying as the Blue Spy from Team Fortress 2. First off, huge props to Sylvie for making the suit, it is perfect. And even more thanks to Jess for making the mask - it ended up being much better than I had dared to hope. Between your efforts, the costume was brilliant, and I have you both to thank for it.

The amount of recognition my costume received was truly staggering. I mean, I expected some, but I literally couldn't walk around for more than five minutes without hearing "Spy 'round here!" or "That spy's sappin' mah sentry". Constantly getting stopped for photos should have been irritating, but I instead found it quite gratifying, even if the compliments on the costume were ultimatley misplaced. And I'll tell you what, if I wasn't very good at the knife taunt at the start of the weekend, I was certainly an expert by the end.

And naturally, CNZ shined in the cosplay scene, though there were a number of good'uns that were apparently not among our number. I won't bother detailing all of it - that has been done to death, on the forums and elsewhere. However, I do feel that I need to mention Clan Biscuit. Their contest entries were staggering - I was literally at a loss for words, and those of you who know me well know just how rare this is. Best Group and Best Skit, and both very well-earned. Good job you three - I know you all put a helluva lot of work into your costumes, and it is good to see your hard work paying off. The beautiful rose, the blooming wildflower and the "God of Love" (I still snort with laughter every time the though of Alex as the God of Love crosses my mind). Just brilliant.

The convention itself was excellent - the move to a bigger venue was a very good choice - rough estimates put attendance over the 40,000 mark, and it was very full at peak times - there was no chance the Aotea center could have handled it. The selection of stalls was very good, even if the number of anime-related stalls seemed less than last year. I wholeheartedly approve of the inclusion of a proper Artists Alley this year - it has been the only thing consistently missing for a while now.

However, this year I think the highlight of the convention (cosplay aside) was the R18 gaming section. I pity you poor souls who could not get in - the chance to get a sneak-peek and play at Assassin's Creed II, Left4Dead2 and Borderlands was bloody brilliant, and has strengthened my resolve to buy all three games. And on top of that, the 3D gaming tech-demo (Avatar: The Game I think it was) was breathtaking. I hadn't yet seen that in action, so I had no idea the technology had come so far. It is a crime shame that such a setup would cost over 9000 dollars.

The event was slightly marred by unfortunate happenings of various causes and caliber, but that is only natural. None of it detracted from the sheer amount of FUN I had this weekend. It is all a bit of a blur really - I have genuine difficulty placing the various moments I remember on a timeline, and even remember which day they happened on. A bit of a stimulus overload, my brain is fried.

Once again, AuckGeddon was one hell of an event. I can only say this - thank god it is only once a year, else we might just all die of exhaustion.

Genius!

2009-10-12T17:45:00.005+13:00

[2:04:03 p.m.] Francis: gota start doin pushups and situps again sigh
[2:05:55 p.m.] Creature124: wuuuuut.
[2:06:29 p.m.] Francis: yea its prob cuz i gained like 2 kgs over the 2week break lmao
[2:06:54 p.m.] Creature124: oooh. I may have - I don't weigh myself, I only look at the size of my paunch. Its been getting smaller!
[2:07:04 p.m.] Francis: thts cuz ur poor and dont eat
lmao

What can I say? Too fucking true. Either I can't afford food, or I am too lazy to prepare it. Either way, missed meals = lost weight. Genius!

The Right Information {{Brain Dump}}

2009-10-09T13:50:00.003+13:00

Another brain dump done in class. I have noticed that when I do this in class, the points don't flow so obviously. Probably becuase there are more distractions and stuff than when I do it at my keyboard.

---------------------------------------------

The deliver the right information
to the right people
in the right form
at the right time.

Form
Function
Mind
Matter
Greed
Power
Animal Reactions

What is the human mind?
Unstructured data.

Oh, a text message.
A welcome distraction.
From someone I actually like hearing from, no less.

Newfags arriving late
They amuse me
I hope they fail.

The 21st Century
Age of the Acronym

Better safe than sorry.
That hunter has Francis!

Management Informations Systems
More reports than there are clouds in the sky.

Marketing deparments are nosy bastards
sticking their fingers where they don't belong.

Class is interesting for a change.
How droll.

Human Resources is a terrible term.
I am more than just a 'resource', thank you very much.

1 job, 150 applicants?
Fight to the death.

Blood, fights, honour.
Sounds like fun.
I am intrigued.

We are all mirrors
that reflect each other's karma

Computers are lost without structure.
Interesting. I could say the same of myself.

Diversions?
I love diversions.
But I digress.

I love open ended questions.
So much potential for mindfuckery.

Hypothesis?
Hypopomous?
Hippopopomous?

How does telling someone to suck your dick make them gay?
Does that make you the gay one, numbskull?

And the shoulder-surfer says:
'LOL, Paul.'

SPSS?
Bloody Acronym Age.

This is the age of hysteria.
One world, controlled the by the media.

Do you know the enemy?
I used to know the enemy
Now, I think the only enemy is myself.
My own weaknesses.

Objective Complete.

The kid behind me is asleep.
I am amused.

Noisy buggers.
STFU and listen.

Get your towels ready
because this shit's about to go down.

Lecture is over
Jack won the bet
Old Dude™ only interrupted twice.
I just lost the game.

The Nature of the Oracle

2009-10-05T01:00:00.004+13:00

I think I have realised something about the nature of my Oracle set.

Don't get me wrong here - I'm not a believer in prediction. Not really. But I do have an Oracle set that I have owned since I was a kid, and when I stumble upon it (usually hidden in the deepest recesses of my untidy bookcase), I invariably pull it out and do a reading, just out of curiosity.

Maybe it is my lack of belief that explains why future events are never predicted correctly. But then, maybe not - chaos theory, people.

Never when I do a reading do I learn anything new. Not once.

At first, it always seems like new information. It feels new. But when it is done, and I take a step back and look at the whole picture, I realise that I already knew everything in it. Perhaps I had not fully realized it. Or simply not accepted it. But it was there.

The cards show me a path that I had known all along, but simply had not recognised. I think that this is their power - through their vague meanings, my thoughts are clarified, and I am able recognise what has been right in front of me the entire time.

That is their value. I have always held that the personal meanings found in fortune telling is manufactured by the veiwer, but now I wonder thus: Is that not what makes them useful?

Nonetheless, I think I need to invest in a new Deck. Telling my fortune on a Lord of the Rings themed Oracle makes me feel like an idiot, regardless of the result 8D

The Song of the Century {{Brain Dump}}

2009-10-02T12:59:00.003+13:00

They're playing the song of the century
Of panic and promise and prosperity
Tell me a story into that goodnight
Sing us a song for me

We didn't start the flame war
but we invariably continue it.

All of this has happened before,
and all of this will happen again.

So say we all.

There is no coincidence in this world
only hitsuzen.

So, maybe,
just maybe,
it's time to shine my halo.

Known not to death,
nor to life.

The path I walk has been so....easy.
Can it be called living?
Have I yet lived?
Sometimes, I wonder.

A friend of so many,
yet a lover of none.
Is it my fate to walk this path alone?
I don't think so.
I refuse to believe it.
For the moment I believe it, hope is lost
and with no hope, that would be my fate indeed.

Words of encourangement reach my ears.
They give me heart
My quest is not in vain
I walk onwards.

Stand on the freakin' point, dumbass.

I don't know if you mean well,
or if you hold sinister intent,
but your warnings will not dissuade me
No matter how many times you repeat them
you fucking broken record.

I'm following my heart
you should be able to understand that
of all people
you dick.

I walk on.

Do I need a reason to help someone?
Yes, I do. But I have one.
But it is a reason in me, that is always there
because I enjoy seeing the smiles.

I once heard a story of a girl
who cried a river and drowned the whole world,
and while she looked so sad in photographs
I absolutley love her when she smiles.

Please keep smiling,
for your smile is my reason to change.

So sing us a song of the century,
Thats louder than bombs and eternity
The era of static and contraband,
Leading us into the Promised Land.

Sing us a song...for me.

Self-Importance

2009-09-16T01:51:00.003+12:00

"And that's why when you've exhibited the slighest tendency towards self-importance, I've reminded you that you and me - you and I: excuse me - may be every bit as important as the President or the pope or the biggest prime-time icon in Hollywood, but that none of us is much more than a pimple on the ass-end of creation, so let's not get carried away with ourselves. Preventative medicine, boy. It's preventative medicine."
"But what about self-esteem?"
"Heh! Self-esteem is for sissies. Accept that you're a pimple and try to keep a lively sense of humor about it. That way lies grace - maybe even glory."

That is a small excerpt from Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates by Tom Robbins, and I thought it summarized my worldview well enough to deserve a place here!

Why does love do this to me? {{Brain Dump}}

2009-09-12T00:43:00.005+12:00

Why does love do this to me?
I don't know, I don't know.

Well, I sorta know.
I mean, its only human, right?
This selfishness.

Selfish? Shellfish.
Crab is good, but prawn is better.
Love that thousand island dressing.

Easter Island heads singing in tune.

Well the remedy is the experience.
This is a dangerous liason.
I won't worry my life away.
Not anymore.

Putting all this on paper makes me wonder if I am actually insane.
Can an insane man recognise his own lack of sanity?
Or must you be sane to see the lackthereof?

Lack.
My life is pretty damn spiffy.
I am content.
It ain't perfect - there is stuff I lack.
Like a girlfriend.
But I have survived without it thus far, so I think I will continue, if that's quite alright with you.

Contentment is a skill, you know.
I've been practicing.
I've gotten quite good, really.

That isn't to say I don't take steps to improve my lot in life.
But for now, it's the only lot I have, so I may as well enjoy it.

If you find yourself inside a bubble, hold your cloak and wait for me.
Always follow orders, little bees.

Goddamn bees.
Why is something so small and so yellow so damn scary?

Five hundred and ten songs on my playlist.
Is there nothing here I want to listen to?

I stand corrected.
All the time is Jason Mraz time.

Well open up your mind, and see like me.
Open up your hands and damn, you're free.
A look into your heart and you'll find love, love, love, love.

Sappy music is for saps.
And hopeless romantics.
And I love it.

Half my playlist is soloist and acustic guitar.
Is that bad?

I just accidentally the game.
I'm sorry that you had to read that.

Tonight, a comedian died in New York.

I see your name on the marble arch,
Love is not a victory march,
It's a cold and it's a broken Halleujah.

And the hardest part is letting go.
Not taking part.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Whatever.
I'll venture later.

Level up!
I am now a level 42 procrastinator.
I'll go and buy my new spells later.

Mmm, Aion.
Angels, Demons, and the Abyss.
What could be better?

The World.
Try the new MMO called 'Outside'.
Realistic graphics!
Intuitive UI!
Force feedback!
Realistic AI!
A fresh twist on the grind we all know and love!

God this blog is full of random crap.
But then, that was sort of the point to begin with.
I laughed when I found out people read it.
Then I figured out that he wasn't kidding.
WTF, people.

I only have one Jazz song on my playlist.
It happens to be my favourite song.
I don't listen to any other Jazz becuase it couldn't possibly be that good.

Wat.
I don't even.
Who...
I don't understand.
That doesn't make any sense.

I don't understand myself either.
Perhaps least of all.

Nonetheless, this is a triumph.

I'm making a note here:
HUGE SUCESS.
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.

Anonymous.
We do what we want because we can.

I'd walk ten thousand miles,
ten thousand miles to see you.
And every gasp of breath
I'd grab it just to find you.

Anything for you.

I love you, and I have no idea if you realise it or not.
Crime shame that.
But really, it doesn't matter one way or the other.

For now, that avenue is closed.
Chivalry prevents me from acting.
He holds me back, but I don't resent him for it.
If he didn't, I wouldn't be me.
And if I wasn't me, I probably wouldn't love you.

For now, I can only continue.
Merely wondering what you would say.

“One of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, love someone else.”

Good joke.
Everybody laugh.
Roll on snare drum.
Curtains.

Tonight, Mafia history was made.

2009-08-31T00:12:00.003+12:00

For it was tonight, that it was decided that we would bring a round of mafia to its knees.

It was tonight that it was decided that the players should not fear their Mod. It is the Mod that should fear the players.

And it was tonight that a failure of a mod would pay for her sins against the game.

She can replace us, but it still means that the game is over.

Mafia is Awesome

2009-08-27T00:55:00.002+12:00

{{To the tune of the song from the Discovery Channel Commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=at_f98qOGY0 }}

I love the lynches.
I love the bandwagons.
I love the role claims.
And the mind f'kery.
I love the whole game,
And all the messed up roles.
Boom De Yadda
Boom De Yadda
Boom De Yadda
Boom De Yadda

I love the fakeclaims
And all the lies and stuff.
I love the mafia.
I love the bastardmods.
I love the whole game,
And everyone who plays.
Boom De Yadda
Boom De Yadda
Boom De Yadda
Boom De Yadda

I love the counterclaims.
I love the Night Actions.
I love suspicions,
And paranoia.
I love the whole game,
And all its foolishness
Boom De Yadda
Boom De Yadda
Boom De Yadda
Boom De Yadda

I love the Inventor.
I love the Dreaming God.
I love the Arsonist.
I love the Godfather.
I love the whole game,
And it's uncertainty.
Boom De Yadda
Boom De Yadda
Boom De Yadda
Boom De Yadda

Mafia is awesome.

The Ramblings of a boring Enterprise Systems lab.

2009-08-26T00:20:00.003+12:00

What follows is the contents of the last few pages of my Enterprise Systems notebook. It started during a short period of quiet self-study, and contibued for the rest of the lab. It basically started out as me trying to clear my head of a song or three I had stuck in my head, but it slowly became a free writing exercise type thing, where anything that popped in my head, triggered by class or otherwise, went down on paper.

This was the result. Decided to post here since it turned out interestingly. That is, interesting to me. This blog isn't supposed to be relevant to the rest of you 8D
---------------------------------------------------------------

I believe the sun should never set upon an arguement,
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands.

I've never felt like...so miserable.
I've never felt like thinking this would last forever.

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend.
You could cut ties with all the lies you've been living in.
And, if you do not want too see me again
I would understand~

How can the sky look down at the countless dramas and remain unchanged?

We are all Mirrors that reflect each other's Karma.

I'm right here. You can reach out and touch me, in this patch of light intended for one.

We met, we laughed, we held on fast, and then we said goodbye. But who'll here the echoes of stories never told? Let them ring, out loud, 'till they unfold.

//This is where it starts straying from its purpose.

Better safe than sorry.

Whatever.

I can't remember, the last time I thanked you.
Keeping my distance unintentionally.

Why does love, do this to me? I don't know, I don't know.

Here we are, going far, to save all that we love,
If we give what we got, we will make it through.

The cake is a lie.

The game.

FML.

CRY SOME MORE...heh, cry some more.

Jenny, oh Jenny. Joy, oh Joy.
A one woman mans what I wanna be, but theres two perfect girls for me.
//Good lord, pokemon references. Good god was I bored.

Jen-ocide. Hah. Brilliant.
//This was prompted by a references to mass killings made by the professor.

So whatever happened to Chivalry anyway?
Am I the only one who still holds to it's principles?

Damned Spawncampers.

I don't even know where to start with you.
I mean, do you even know who you are talkin' to?
Do you have any idea, any idea, who I am?

BONK!

This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here:
HUGE SUCCESS

But it isn't, really. I am such a coward.
About some things, at least.

LOLPython iz teh bestest language to code in.

And time is up. //Silent study was over, decided to stop writing.

Naaah. Not finished yet. //Quickly changed my mind 8D

Alter can take his Work System and shove it up his ass for all I care.
I like this.

Jen-ocide, again.
Still stuck on this, obviously.

I don't know why I am still stuck on that quip.
It wasn't particularly extraordinary, really. Funny, but punny.
For all my wise quotes, I still can't pick my own psyche apart.

I don't make sense to me.

Survivor Mafia. Outtalk, Outthink, Outlynch.

First one marble dropped, and then another.
In this single spot of sunshine, only one remains.

I'm Alive, I'm Alive, oh yeah.
Between the good and bad's where you'll find me, reaching for heaven.

No Kings, or Gods.
Only Men.

You know that I've seen better days.

I'm standing on this tiny ledge
before this goes over the edge
gonna use my heart and not my head.

Maybe I should finish the story of the Hundred.
Writing the conflicts between Chivalry and Lust was oh so much fun.
Maybe for NaNoWriMo.

Gentlemen.

Jen-ocide. AGAIN. God.

I'm so confused.

Whoo. Take that, teach. Pwnd. Sit down.
//I love catching professors contradicting themselves.

Two Wrongs don't make a Right, but two Wrights do make a plane.
And three Rights do make a Left.

Four pages of crap, and I'm not even done yet.

That spy isn't one of our spies!

THAT PYRO IS A SPY!

They're going to have to glue you back together....IN HELL.

The AC is on too cold. I'm freezing here.

Creation of value from information - dead easy.
Knoweldge is power.

My kind of power.

And I discover that my castle stands
upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand.

The internet is just a series of tubes.
We needz moar tubes.

I think this belongs on my blog when I get home. Shit doesn't get more irrelevant than this.

I OWE HOW MUCH?

2009-08-07T14:22:00.004+12:00

Jesus Christ. I knew I needed a job. But it only truly sunk in a moment ago.

The reason for this revelatation?

Do you see that? I have been attending AUT for a little over one semester now, and I am already over eight thousand dollars in debt. Now that is a sober relisation, let me tell you.

The problem isn't the course fees. It isn't the text books, it isn't the stationary. It's bloody bureaucracy. No, you see, the problem is my Living Costs.

I am not eligible for a Student Allowance. Regardless of the fact I don't see a cent from them, the fact that my parents make a nice buck living in Thailand disqualifies me. I could get the money, if I were slightly more corrupt - it would be as easy as getting an NZ tax statement saying that my parents make no money and claiming that they are retired. However, I am unwilling to lie to get this money, regardless of how many other people in my exact situation do so.

So, I am living off what is known as Student Living Costs. This is money that StudyLink give to students on a weekly basis to get them through. I have been livivng off the $160 a week this provides for a semester now. The catch is - all of the money awarded for Living Costs goes onto the loan, and must be paid back some day.

As you can see, it stacks up fairly quickly. In fact, at this rate, given my planned 4 years of study, I'll be looking at a loan in excess of sixty five thousand dollars. I can't accept that.

I thought that I was going to be fine with that. But seeing that figure sitting there, it makes me realise that I am going to be in some serious shit if it continues for any longer.

So, I have two options. First is to get in touch with Work and Income and go on the dole. I don't really want to do this, you know - I can't help but think it wouldn't be a nice feeling. Realistically, it is no different to what I am doing now, but the critical difference is I wouldn't have to pay it back. But at the same time, this is taking government money, money that I'd rather see to go people who need it more desperatley than I.

Secondly, I could try harder to find a job. I have been trying thus far, but it has been somewhat half-hearted - I've been firing my CV at tech retailers and anywhere I think I might enjoy working, but no luck. So, I need to cast my net a little wider. As much as I have been trying to avoid it, I would even stoop to fast food, having seen this. A no holds barred, full on, crazed job search.

A month from now, I'll either have a job, or I'll be going on the dole. Because this, as it stands, can't go on.

Dear Ms. Eevee,

2009-08-02T15:20:00.003+12:00

Now that the thread has locked, I think I am going to post my final thoughts here. After all, this blog serves as my sword, when the original media is denied.

Congratulations. You value honesty above all else. That's cute. That is noble. It really is.

I hate to break it to you hun, but life doesn't work like that. It really doesn't. If everyone knew what everyone else thought about them, our society would collapse. If everyone aired their little griefs to the world, we would never get anything done. We would be too busy arguing, fighting, and waging war.

I understand why you like to know. Truth be told, I like to know what people think of me as well. But you see, the way I solve this, is by simply asking people. Sure, some lie, giving me the sugar coated version. But there will always be someone who will tell me straight, and will tell me what is said about me behind closed doors. Its an elegant solution, I think - I find out what I want to know, and it keeps the garbage dump that is public opinion from fouling up the smell of the whole neighbourhood.

In truth, it doesn't matter what you prefer. It doesn't matter what you say, what you do, or how much you protest against it - people will talk behind eachothers backs. And you know what? That's fine. It been happening for hundreds upon hundreds of years all over the world, and I'd say it's worked out pretty well so far.

Now, you have said that a few people have left the forums as a result of this. Now, I am going to go out on a limb here and assume that these were CCC people, as I have not seen any people whom I note disappear recently. I am guessing that for them, these 'chinese whispers' amount to cyber bullying right? Well, to be callous about it, they should harden up, or the real world is going to catch them by surprise and knock them on their asses.

As I said in an earlier thread post, office politics is the same effect, but multiplied by a magnitude of ten, and can actually affect your employment status. You said that you don't understad why anyone would get angry with someone for telling the truth. Reality Check - the truth is very often hurtful to the person you are telling it to. If you tell your boss you think he is a micromanaging prick, he will fire you. And he will be totally justified in doing so. That's life.

At any rate, I consider this to be an internal CCC matter - talk to them about it. I may be Just Another Fucking Aucklander, but at least us Aucklanders don't drive people away with our closed doors chats.

Now, to address a major point.

"i have condescended to no one". This statement here was what really did my head in. I don't know if you realised, but your tone throughout this entire thread has been naught but condecending. Regardless of your intent, you gave the appearance of looking down on this country, and its inhabitants. It wasn't the pointing out of these flaws that you see, it was the manner in which you did it. Whether or not you intended it, your air of superiority had many people grinding their teeth.

Added to the fact that I have lived in many places in the world, and my observations run directly counter to yours, the effect was that the thread was simply unbearable.

Your ideas are nice, cute, idillic and noble. They are also completly and utterly unrealistic, and they do not work in the real world.

One day, you will actually get out into the real world and live as an adult. It is on that day the world itself will prove me right.

Signed,
Creature124

P.S. Kiki-chan - I don't know, and I don't care. Her history has no bearing on how offensive she is being.

The Founding Fathers had it wrong

2009-07-30T13:18:00.003+12:00

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Internetz and the pursuit of Epic Lulz.

Utter RAGE.

2009-07-27T18:54:00.006+12:00

Note: This entry began it's life as a post on CNZ, but I am copy/pasting it here (the thread has since been moderated due to the sheer amoutn of rage against this douche). It just seems fitting.

This is all in response to the blog entry of this douche here: http://www.astrobunny.net/2009/07/26/doujin-overload-2009/

Your pictures, they are good.

Your commentary...well.

You sir, are a great many things, the words for which are wordfiltered. But believe me that are all short, mostly four letters and all very vulgar. And all of which I would call you, straight to your face.

The stop for the shortbus was right up the street from the hotel. You should have caught one all the way to the idiot plantation - the perfect place for you to put down roots.

This is not an anime convention. It is a chance for our up and coming arists to strut their stuff, and hopefully make a profit. And I'll candidly admit - not all of it was brilliant. However, each person put forth their best effort, and I assure you that each an every artist in there made a sale. That, in itself, justifies the event.

But where exactly do you get off in insulting cosplayers, THEN POSTING YOUR sugar honey iced tea ON THE FORUM WHERE THEY RESIDE.

Frakk off, and take your elitism with you, loser.

UPDATE:
The link now 404's, the offending content has been removed >_<
UPDATE:
Link is back up - silly prick was just waiting for shit to cool down.

DO Weekend

2009-07-26T19:13:00.005+12:00

So, this was the weekend of Doujin Overload. For those of you not in the know, Doujin Overload is a yearly event held in Auckland where independant artists and other select merchants set up a table and sell their work.

This year, as every year, the quality was varied. Works ranged from terrible (or should I say abstract? I'm not much of an art critic) lineart to beatifully done full colour character portraits and scenes. In addition to the artist, Graphic Novel Cafe had a small stall and large figurine display, and there were a few other vendors whos names I forget selling a limited selection of DVDs, manga, graphic novels and figurines.

It was a good day. Wandering around the room looking at whats available is interesting. Some of the highlights for me were a K-ON poster (which I sadly forgot to pickup), a Rider poster and a Suigintou poster, the latter of the two drawn by members of the AUT Anime club. But most interesting was an artbook + OST bundle called Superscenic.

The art in the A5 artbook is stunning - some original characters, some existing, but all very good stuff. But for me it was the OST that truly stood out. It was filled with original music, the better part of which (accompanied by artist notes) told a story of a happy couple fraught by tragedy. Mostly violin and piano instumental peices (with only one peice with lyrics), all very beautiful stuff.

Then there was ACB, the Auckland Cosplay Ball, as organized by CNZ's own Duckeh. The event went off without a hitch. It started off a little stiff, but once everyone got comfortable it was riotus fun. Many thanks to Duckeh for all that.

Met and/or caught up with a whole ton of new people from other cities, most notably Pyro, Kotone, Pura and Zorlich. Not all what I was expecting (after all, who really shows the real them on the internet?), but all great, fun people. I thoughrly enjoyed spending time with you. Thank you all for coming up 8D

Sunday, I decided not to go to the zoo. Too tired, no desire. Went to Duckeh's instead and hung with her freeloaders, shit was so cash.

A good weekend!

This is the scenario:

2009-06-03T09:57:00.003+12:00

So here I am. I am sitting at our tower, waiting for a very large enemy fleet to arrive and attack said tower. Then the order comes down through ventrilo - "warp to top station, warp to top station, dock up, do it NOW."

So I warp to top station. And when I arrive...my screen is a wall of red. The enemy fleet was there, and they were waiting.

Then there came a sound, distant at first, it grew to a castrophony that could be heard throughout the system.

There were no screams. There was no time. The mountain of angry, flashing red battleships had spoken. There was only turret fire and drone engines firing, and then, nothing.

---

Later, I found out that the order to warp had come down three times prior to that, and I had missed them all. Half the fleet made it on time, and docked up. Half the fleet never heard the order at all, and stayed at the POS. I was unlucky enough to hear the order come down, but too late.

Bloody ventrilo chatter.

My Current Hiatus

2009-05-16T15:35:00.002+12:00

IS OVER. Probably.

My computer is fixed, my internet is back, my mum has gone back to Thailand and my couchsquatter has found an apartment. All is good and right with the world. Expect more random crap here soon.

Thanks, Vodafone

2009-04-27T20:22:00.003+12:00

As if my life didn't need to be any more complicated by technical difficulties.

Since sometime yesterday, I've been seeing a high level of packet loss on my internet connection, especially on slow sites.

It has been frustrating the heck out of me. First I thought it was the computer, then my wireless router, then my modem, the internet itself.

Turns out I could have saved myself some grief by going over to the Vodafone support forums....

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. Wonderful timing, ain't it? Makes my life so much easier.

At least they are working on it >_<

Computers, Hard Drives, and Clicks

2009-04-25T04:04:00.002+12:00

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

I have owned my computer for less than 6 months.

3 days ago, due to a sudden power failure, my harddrive quite suddenly developed a number of bad sectors right in the middle of registry country, probably caused by the head of the drive crashing and proceeding to BOUNCE before coming to a halt.

After two days of HDD diagnostics and failed attempts to restore my computer back to its previous state, I gave up, loaded up a Linux LiveCD and copied all my data off before reformatting my HDD and reinstalled windows.

Now, the computer is quite slow over one part of the bootup process - probably re-reading data that is difficult to read from bad sectors. This is fine and manageable, and given time I could work around it.

However, sometime in the last half hour, the damned drive has started clicking. Faint clicks, at irregular intervals, but they are there, and they weren't before.

Hard drive clicks might not mean much to alot of you, especially given that some older drives used to make horrendous sounds while they were running.

But to me, as a semi-professional IT type, a click is a mechanical failure, which means the drive is dieing. And probably not slowly.

Usually, this would certainly be covered by warranty. On modern drives, power failure should not cause head crashes.

However, the company that sold me this computer, a web-based outfit called c1com, have done a runner. They just picked up and left, leaving pending orders, repair jobs and, yeah, warranties in their wake.

I can't afford a new Hard Drive right now. I just don't have the cash. C1 aren't around to honour my warranty. And the laptop I am currently using to write this post leaves with my mother in a weeks time.

TL;DR - I'm fucked.

I'm Greg, and, well, you may have heard the last of me for a while >_<

Learning to face problems

2009-04-20T17:47:00.005+12:00

Okay, one thing that pisses me off - people who run from, whine about or otherwise evade their issues.

Of course, everyone is guilty of this - everyone procrastinates to avoid a difficult or annoying task, everyone will occasionally whine about some issue they are having with their life, and every has had issues they have at one point seen as insurmountable.

That is perfectly okay - all of these things are a part of the human condition, a part of being self-aware and sentient.

But there are some people who take this way too far. And it pisses me the fuck off.

Running from problems doesn't solve them - it instead allows them to sit, to rot, to fester until one day it'll come back in one sickening rush.

Whining achieves nothing. It may make some people aware of your issues (which is not a particularly good thing in itself) and gather you some sympathy, but ultimately, nothing will change. Your problem will still be there, making a mess of your life.

If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always gotten.

If you have a problem, fight to change it. By this I don't mean a physical punchup - fight your own weakness and stand up and do something. Even if you cannot see how doing anything will help, do it anyway. No problem is a wall so insurmountable that won't begin the crack and crumble if enough pressure is applied.

I used to be one of the people I am currently ranting about. When it came to important things, I was paralyzed, unable to act for the fear of making it worse. It took me a number of years, but eventually I realized that doing nothing is pointless - even when it got worse, nobody could say I hadn't tried, nobody could say that I hadn't stood up and fought to get the ending that I wanted. So I stand, and I fight, and it's worked out pretty well so far.

So take a chance. Get off your stupid, whiny, self-defeating ass and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Because until you do, nothing will change.

I'm Creature124, and you haven't heard the last of me yet.

WHAT IS LOVE?!?!

2009-04-19T18:04:00.003+12:00

Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

What is love?

Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more~

Groovy music~

I just accidentally...

2009-04-16T17:32:00.003+12:00

You just lost it.

AHAHAHAHAHA

2009-04-16T17:24:00.006+12:00

Your puny watchdog is no match for my awesomeness, Microsoft. Do try again later.

Yeah, Linux is a chore, so many easier ways to fix things up.

Fuck you too, Microsoft

2009-04-15T22:47:00.003+12:00

Yeah, my copy of XP is suddenly invalid. And people wonder why I never reboot my computer.

Fuck you Microsoft, I'm going linux. See you at Windows 7, if ever.

Mafia != Sense

2009-04-15T21:57:00.004+12:00

Things that are (apparently) bad things to do in mafia:
Agree with Steven
Role claim, even in the face of lynching
Revenge vote

This game may be fun, but it isn't logical, and that bothers me.

Revenge voting on day one makes sense to me - no other reason to vote, after all.

Role claiming when one is about to be lynched makes sense to me - damned if you dom damned if you don't, so why the hell not.

Agreeing with Steven - Yeah, no idea whats up with that one.

SHIT SUCKS.

2009 - A job hunting oddessy

2009-04-15T20:50:00.003+12:00

So yeah, Mum is in town, hes been on my case. About what? Oh, only about everything. You know, nothing major.

But thats what parents are for right?

Anyway, I spent most of the day today going places, leaving CVs, and sending emails out to various companies who might be the slightest bit interested in hiring a student who if fervently trying to avoid a career in the fast food industry.

It all seemed a little pedantic really. Leaving CV's in shops that were hiring and had no intention to do so any time soon, and sending my CV and cover letter to any available email address listed for IT company's listed in the Yellow Pages....from 2007.

But damn me to hell if it didn't pay off. Within an hour I had a response from one company, which looks like a very tempting offer. Hopefully I will be meeting with them tomorrow to work something out.

TL;DR - Parents nagging is useful....sometimes.

The beginning of nothing of note

2009-04-15T01:41:00.001+12:00

This is where I posts random shit that interests me. I rage here, I muse here, I get bored and post random crap here. Feel free to lurk and comment and disagree. This is my outlet. Another unimportant blog in a sea of unimportant blogs.

Enjoy~