Blogspot can fuck right the hell off

I am tired of the lack of design control I have on this bloody website. This blog will be kept for reference.

All new posts can be found here: http://mirrorswordshield.wordpress.com/

Maybe I just read too much

I am beginning to think I have read a few too many books on human decision making and emotion (particularly fear and empathy and randomness). Understanding how other people are likely to react to things largely prevents me from reacting the same way, because I can only see it as silly.

The reason I mention this is because of the Pike River Disaster. And it is a disaster. 29 people were trapped, and are now almost certainly dead. It is a tragedy - which sadly makes it the media's wet dream. But they are an ancillary problem, and not what I am talking about here.

Do not for one second get me wrong. When I first heard about Pike River, my throat caught, and my heart went out to the men and their families. Despite allegations to the contrary, I do feel human emotion. I was sad for a while. What sobered me up was the fact that I wouldn't STOP hearing about this event for at least a month, probably more.

It is the nature of empathy. When a tragedy occurs, we attach a lot of weight to it. It is the way we are hard wired. I haven't studied this in depth, so I won't get technical with it - most everyone knows this from experience.

Allow me to provide a bit of perspective.
-According to the NZTA, in the past twelve months 381 people have died in car accidents. That 32 per month, or roughly 1 per day. (http://www.nzta.govt.nz/resources/road-deaths/toll.html)

-On a single day, Oct 31 2010, there were 47 recorded civilian deaths in Iraq that were caused by violence. The average is 11.6 per day. This does not include unrecorded casualties, which are presumed to be significantly higher. (http://www.iraqbodycount.org/database/)

-According to the Ministry of Health, smoking kills approximately 5000 people per year in New Zealand. That is around 14 per day.

And the list goes on and on - people dying due to tragic, and often preventable causes. It is all sad. Why do we not care?

Because those are statistics. Those people are just as real as the Pike River miners, but we do not see them. We do not see pictures of them. We feel no connection to them. Nobody cares about statistics.

I care about statistics. Those facts, and the rest, rend me just as much as Pike River does.

Heck, Pike River is a statistic. In 2009, 2631 chinese miners died in coal mines. That is a Pike River-size event every week. (http://frankwarner.typepad.com/free_frank_warner/2006/01/us_coal_mining_.html)

Pike River is a very sad event. 29 men were embarked in a dangerous profession to provide a vital material to our economy, and died as a result. But excuse me if I do not observe minutes of silence, or light candles, or join Pike River groups on facebook.

Call me a heartless bastard, if you like. You won't be the first, and you probably won't be the last. I disagree. I just think I see the bigger picture. Pike River is a very small piece in a very large, very sad, puzzle.

The Nature of Ego

I've been called a number of things over the last while. Tactless. Blunt. Mean. Even hypocritical. None of those I can really dispute. But there is one - egotistical. I have been getting this one a lot recently, partially because at first, I accepted and embraced the label. But now, the more I think about it the less I find myself agreeing.

Let us look for a moment at the definition of ego:

ego
1. The self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves.
2. In psychoanalysis, the division of the psyche that is conscious, most immediately controls thought and behavior, and is most in touch with external reality.
3.
a. An exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit.
b. Appropriate pride in oneself; self-esteem.

Ignoring the first two, we come to the two definitions most commonly used outside of psychology - conceit, and self esteem.

When people use the word egotistical, they rarely mean it under 3b. It is a 3a term - a conceit, an improper feeling of self worth. I do not think I fall into that category (which may in itself seem conceited, but I'll get to my reasons in a minute). I think my self worth is quite justified. And here's why.

I am a Good Person. I wake up in the morning, lurch out of bed and make it to the bathroom mirror, and I see myself. Now, I am not much taken with my appearance, but I see myself, and I straighten a little. My self-worth establishes itself, and I am good to go for the day.

But WHY. Where does this feeling come from, this feeling that I am a good person?

It comes from what I do, and the way I treat people. As a human, I do more good than harm. Cause more smiles than tears. I am at my core a utilitarian, and the knowledge that I have a positive net impact on the world around me is pleasing.

But even deeper, WHY. Where does this self-assurance, this knowledge of positive gain come from? From my friendships.

When I have a friend in trouble, I don't stop to think. If there is something in my power that I can do to help, I do it. It doesn't matter if that involves driving all the way across the city at midnight in the rain simply because an unreliable parent didn't bring home any food. It doesn't matter if it involves a long term loan (really, more of a gift crouched in terms of a loan to avoid guilt) that I can't really afford to stop a friend getting evicted, or starving to death. It doesn't matter what cost to me, as long as one of mine's crisis is averted.

I have been known to cause harm. I hold no compunction about speaking my mind, and some of my opinions, particularly of certain individuals, is really rather harmful. But I sleep easy knowing that for every instance I have done more than ruffled some feathers, there has been a time where I have gone that extra mile for someone who matters to me. And that definition, people who matter, is not exclusive, nor small. I consider a very large group of CNZers friends, even people whom I don't really know very well, but any of them I would go that extra mile for.

So before you call me an egotist, consider. Is my sense of self-worth really so unjustified? Because I think I have earned, and continue to earn, my right to smugness.

(And I think you will find, if you think about it, that you have earned a measure of smugness too.)

Open Letter to Reiko

Dear Reiko Arashi,

Firstly, fuck you.

Secondly, FUCK YOU.

Now, to business.

I'll repeat what i said in the rants forum

..............................................................."I'm a social retard short and fat, university students mock me out - here is my fat arm it can't reach, otaku manga japanese music it's too high." .... bye cnz, it was fun.


You guys won.
Popular kids FTW.

I'm the weeabo social retard.

YES CREATURE. LIVEJOURNAL FTW GO AHEAD AND SAY IT.

And i dont care, dont bother banning me i'm waiting on the email to get rid of my account - DACC's still going to exist, NZAC afterparty will still go on, but man you guys don't give a rats ass if i leave anyways, so why am i bothering?

Oshare Curry will always take people from CNZ if they're interested but you're welcome to remove everything to do with me cause obviously nobody gives a rats ass here about me. Do i care? Well i did, i respect every one of you i dont care how much you guys hate me...

I just care too much about how stressed i am - and i'm done, i'm done...... ORZ FECKIN ORZ DUDE. WTF, yea no i dont get you guys.

/b/ tards would even give you guys props.

Okay, firstly. LOL. I find it so funny that one of your most coherent and self-aware posts to date is the post in which you formally leave us forever.

..............................................................."I'm a social retard short and fat, university students mock me out - here is my fat arm it can't reach, otaku manga japanese music it's too high." .... bye cnz, it was fun.

At least you know. I had seriously wondered if you had any idea just how pathetic you are.

You guys won.
Popular kids FTW.

I'm the weeabo social retard.

You think we are the popular kids? Now that is amusing. That being said, I suppose the term is relative, and you are pretty far down that food chain.

This wasn't a contest. We didn't win anything. You continually posted wrongheaded and nonsensical text walls, and we consistently told you exactly what we thought. It wasn't you versus us, it was you versus yourself, your own contradictions. You are the weaboo social retard, and you did yourself in.

YES CREATURE. LIVEJOURNAL FTW GO AHEAD AND SAY IT.

http://visualculturenz.setbb.com/

And i dont care, dont bother banning me i'm waiting on the email to get rid of my account - DACC's still going to exist, NZAC afterparty will still go on, but man you guys don't give a rats ass if i leave anyways, so why am i bothering?

A very good question at the end there, I am wondering that myself. You don't care about CNZ - we are just a bunch of elitists, and you hate us all. So, if you are going to fuck off, the least you could do was do it quietly. But I guess you couldn't even do that right.

Oshare Curry will always take people from CNZ if they're interested but you're welcome to remove everything to do with me cause obviously nobody gives a rats ass here about me. Do i care? Well i did, i respect every one of you i dont care how much you guys hate me...

Now THIS is a load of bollocks. You respect every one of us huh? Well, what about Lucy? An elitist twat, is she? NO. You are the elitist, you fuckwit, you and your DACC. You pompous upstart, attempting to shove aside an destroy an existing anime club just so yours can be the only gig in town. No. Lucy is a better person than you by whole ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE, and you have no right to talk shit about her.

This was what earned you my ire, your spot at the top of my shitlist. Before I heard about that, I simply laughed at you, but largely ignored you. Don't you think for one moment you didn't bring all this shit crashing down upon yourself, because you did. There are few ways to piss me off faster than talking shit about people I care about.

I just care too much about how stressed i am - and i'm done, i'm done...... ORZ FECKIN ORZ DUDE. WTF, yea no i dont get you guys.

/b/ tards would even give you guys props.

You don't get us? Well, the feeling is quite mutual, let me assure you. Jesus Christ, do you have any idea how incoherent you are?

And believe you me, this ain't half the beating you would have got on /a/, let alone /b/.

You know what? Good fucking riddance. I sincerely hope you stay gone, because I do not want to have to try to decipher one of your posts EVER. AGAIN.

Yours Sincerely,

Creature124

This Post Was Brought To You By The Letter F

Faugh!

This face, no mere facade of fortitude, expresses a freedom from fate. This feeling, while not faux pas, is fake, for fate's hand is unfettered and well fanged, so should be feared. But fear is so often flighty, for fate is sometimes fabulous, leaving fear forgotten.

Fate is not fair, it just flows, forceful but frivolous. So flow along, fear the frigid follies, but forever enjoying the fact that you are alive.

--

I wish I had had a dictionary when I was writing this :\

Can you imagine?

Can you imagine a time spent-

utterly alone?

Nobody there but you

Nobody to laugh with you

Nobody to tell you it is okay?

How would you pass it?

Would you sit down and weep?

Would you wander, eyes glazed over, aimless?

Would you wrap yourself in your memories?

Would you look forward to what will be

A time not alone, close but out of reach

Would you hold on to that future?

...or would you scribble a sub-standard piece of poetry on some till roll?

Hiatus

Until further notice, I am tossing this blog behind a couch and forgetting about it. I primarily created this as a place to vent, but I simply don't seem to get as angry as I used to, and all my new troubles either aren't a matter of the public domain or simply not worth the time it would take to blog them.

Hence, this blog is on hiatus. At the very least until the next time someone makes me want to murder them.